For the entire past week I've been shifting through some intense and dense energies related to past traumas that have held stagnancy in my energy field and physical body for far too long. During this time it was incredibly painful for me mentally and emotionally, and I just kept asking myself this question: "who am I?"
The way that I asked myself this wasn't with words, no. But with the deepest sense of feeling that I could possibly muster up in the moments of this heartache. Face to face with some of the darkest parts of my past there was so much love and light opening my heart even more through this that the darkest of dark that was releasing was illuminated. How scary it can be for so many to be face to face with their shadows. I understand, nobody wants to look at themselves to see how destructive we have been to our own lives or even to other's lives. We think we are good and loving. It can hurt to be able to recognize that there are times we have not always been kind and loving. We begin to feel guilty when we are not looking at it from a higher perspective.
Who am I? Who are WE? I don't mean who our ego is, that has a name with a hair color with hobbies and a job and a personality to fit the bill. All of those things we use to identify ourselves are connected to the ego in which we are then creating an idea of who we THINK we are, and separating our hearts and heads from connecting to remember who we ACTUALLY are.
So who are we?
We are spiritual, infinite beings having a human experience, not human beings having a spiritual experience.
Everything that we are is infinite, our true identity is Source Love and Source Light. The moment we open ourselves to this understanding we are aligning our minds with our hearts and our hearts with our souls. When we open our hearts we experience true Source Freedom, where no flags, borders, walls, races, genders, personalities, hair colors, status in an hierarchical world or anything else with a limiting perception, even exists. When we enter our hearts and embrace this state of being, we are totally conscious of the fact that we are infinite, and that everyone and everything around us holds the same energy of the same source - we become the awareness of the fact that there is no separateness, and as this awareness we are aware that we are love and that there is no thing that can take us away from that love if we so choose.
So how do we open our hearts? We start by looking at ourselves. Are we judging ourselves and others? Are we always needing to prove that we are right and someone else is wrong, or vice versa? Are we comparing our lives or our property or personalities to the lives, property and personality that other people are living? The list can go on but I feel I've made my point. We choose to be kind and loving not because it's the right thing to do, because then you're just stuck in that loop of being attached to your ego of who you think you are as being a good person who does good things. We choose to be kind and loving simply because we can trust that we are kind and loving. All else falls away and we are able to stay within our hearts while serving others because we are not doing it to feed our egos. The intention is then pure and we are responding to life as the being of infinite love and infinite light that we are whom is the answer to the question of "who are we?"
For example, if we argue with someone simply because we want to be right about whatever it is that the argument is about and we get angry because at this point we care more about them admitting they are wrong than the fact that we are actually right, then we are only hurting ourselves. How effective are we in connecting with the love within our hearts if we are so attached to the response someone else gives us that we are getting angry and hurting ourselves and others in the process?
The not-so-secret is that how others choose to react or respond is on them, and how we choose to respond or react is on us. We cannot control another person, but we can look at ourselves and choose to stay in our hearts through anything that may trigger a possible disagreement or upsetting emotion within us. When we choose to stay in our hearts instead of react and throw negative energies at people because of the attachment to a right or wrong, we are opening ourselves to a deeper state of consciousness in which we are completely aware of the fact that we are simply love. We are love and this argument is nothing I want to put energy towards because I'd rather put my energy towards celebrating love.
To come into our hearts is not a belief, or a practice it is a state of being. It does take practice to stay in your heart, but the pure love and light within the heart is our true essence and the rest of the messy emotional/mental/physical/spiritual turbulent energies that try to steer us from that love is all illusion.
As I have said before and I can never seem to say it enough: When you are in your heart you open yourself to the infinite identity that is you beyond all ego. When you enter your heart there is no separation because you recognize that all is one and one is all. To be in this state and truly experience with all of your senses what this truly means, nothing earthly that attempts to create separation through ego and duality will make any sense. In our hearts is where we break down the walls and realize that all that tries to create separateness is illusion.
Opening the heart is the most wonderful and blissful thing that can be done. There is no need to fear it, which is something I have done for most of my life up until recent years. I searched for truth but was so scared of looking at my shadow that I ended up hiding from the truth which can only be found within the heart. Can you imagine that? How ironic.
To wrap this post up, there are layers that can be unraveled so that we can experience the remembering of ourselves AS the Infinite Source Love in our hearts when we so choose. The question is: If you are waiting, what are you waiting for?