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Understanding Grief

January 8, 2022 "Grief is the realization of the loss of a dream." A beautiful quote I heard Ram Dass share in a podcast I have listened to countless times on "Death & Dying" (which for anyone interested can be found on the Ram Dass app, hosted by "Be Here Now" network). "Grief is the realization of the loss of a dream." Let me break this down in a way that has helped me understand what this means. A dream, by nature, is something attains a certain outcome in which we attach our emotions and our desires to. This dream can be something more physical like a job, a house, an article of clothing; or it can go much deeper than that and can involve other people in our lives. So we get upset when our dreams do not come true the way we had originally wanted them to, right? We get angry if we don't get the job we want, we get sad if we lose that article of clothing, we feel fear when someone in our lives passes away. The realization is that this dream has not come true = the loss. And this is where grief takes form. "Grief is the realization of the loss of a dream." Probably my favorite quote on how to understand grief. And we can all agree I have no doubt, that grief shows itself through people in different ways. Through sadness, through anger, through anxiety created by the fear that this dream no longer can exist the way we thought it should be so. Grief is something that many people I've observed throughout my life (looking back and observing myself and others with the understandings I now have) will go at any cost to not face. It hurts people so much that a loved one has passed away, or that their boyfriend left them to be with someone else, or that their girlfriend was messing around and it hurt them, you name it. So many people (myself included) have done so many unhealthy things to themselves to fill this hole, be it drinking or doing drugs, dating another person right away, overindulging on foods and snacks, watching tv and more. This is not the way to fill that "void" or "hole" however. From observing myself as well as so many other people with so many different was to cope instead of truly allow themselves to heal, I see that we are able to recognize that if we fill ourselves with love, there will be no need to overindulge in food, tv, movies, sex, drugs or alcohol. We will simply love ourselves enough to understand "gee this person cheated on me because they don't have respect for me. I realize that if they truly had self love, they wouldn't have cheated because they'd see their worth in it's purest, ego free form, and would never cheat on themselves: in turn never cheating on me." This understanding from personal experience, also makes more sense when you have self-love. And with loved ones who pass away, transitioning to their next beautiful life somewhere out there with love and light flowing through them and everywhere they choose to roam - this is a biggy in which I'm breaking through deeper levels of understanding on, every day. The dream is that this person we love, have it be your grandma, grandpa, parent, sibling, friend, lover - will always be who they have been to you, for as long as you've had them in your life. This dream is the idea that you know them in the way that you do, you talk to them in the way that you do, you connect with them in the way that you always have and they are around for a while so you got comfortable with the dream of them always being your grandparent, lover, etc. The realization is that they have passed away, and that they can no longer fulfill that roll in the way that you always visualized them doing. This is where the grief comes in. "Grief is the realization of the loss of a dream." Stay with me now. We are so attached to how things "should" be with our relatives and other loved ones who have passed on, that we crave what no longer exists in the relationship, disconnecting ourselves from what will never leave: the love that connects you two together. Love transcends all form, it does not limit itself to the physical world, in fact, love is not tangible at all. Once we can come within ourselves and say "I love myself infinitely" with no fear, doubts, self-resentment, anger and sadness towards ourselves, we come into that space within our hearts where we understand that the love you shared with this person will never fade, and that you are just getting to know each other in a different way. Love thyself, and thy love will bring truth in all levels of existence. I am considering posting videos of some meditations every so often. I will share them here on my website, Facebook as well as my YouTube channel. Much Love!

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